As I’m writing, this I know it may not be the right time, the right place, or the right way to say it, but when I have something on my Spirit, if you know me, I have to get it off somehow and say it.  Also I truly think this needs to be said.  My life hasn’t been an easy one, and any of you that know me know this, but the way this year has been going has made me think about it more and more.  I won’t mince names into this cause I have to protect the innocent who are my friends and loved ones, but something needs to be said about this before anything else happens.  Before you read any of this, you should know I don’t tell you these things so you can focus on me, so just read through the end of this so you can focus on others and yourself. 

    If you know me then you all know that sickle cell disease has been a lifetime partner of mine.  Along with that, throughout life I’ve experienced abuse, depression, abandonment, loneliness, trust issues, divorce not once, but three times with my parents and I don’t blame them cause God has blessed me to forgive them, and honestly I could go on and on.  Then, just this year, already, I’ve had one friend hurt themselves and another one that was close to making a decision to end it all, thank God they are alright now, but still working through some things.  Then just recently I lost yet another friend to circumstances I don’t clearly understand yet.  I’m telling you all now THESE UNNECESSARY THINGS MUST END!  I’m not here to give you some routine words of advice or some anecdote to make you laugh or cheer up, but I’m here to tell you about my experience so that it may strengthen you in your spirit, and maybe help you through tough times this year. 

    Now I’m not sure how to begin or how to end, but I’ll start with a question, and it’s the same question I asked to God when my two friends came to me with their issues, and it’s why Lord do they come to me with these things, these decisions that have to be made with great responsibility and great risk when I’m not a counselor, I have no special powers, I have no degrees in that field and I certainly don’t think I’m the wisest on the block, and God said to me, you may not have all of those things, but you have experience.  This is why I want to share all these things with you, because you see, I’m not far from the type of person who would end it all in one swoop, there were times in my life to this day that I have thought about how much easier life would be if I wasn’t living, but you have to understand THAT WAS A LIE THE DEVIL WAS TELLING ME AND ONE AMONG MANY THAT I HAVE CHOSEN NOT TO BELIEVE!! 

    Cause you see I KNOW PAIN, I’ve lived my life with it many times in many forms, especially the physical, and most often the emotional, but for some reason I don’t give up I keep fighting for every second of every minute of every day because I HAVE A GOD that told me to come to HIM when I am weary and burdened, I HAVE A GOD that told me to seek heavenly treasures, not riches upon this earth, I HAVE A GOD that said above all things love one another just as I have loved you, I HAVE A GOD that will go out and find a lost sheep when he’s wondered away, I HAVE A GOD, that promises me peace, and joy, and life in abundance as my inheritance and no matter how close I come to just throwing it all away, something that has been put in me just won’t let me do it!! Even when my joints and legs and arms fail me from time to time, I somehow find strength to get back up, even if it’s not directly from God, He gives it to me through friends and family and people that are willing to say hey, I was worried about you so I just called to say I love you, or hey what can I do for you, or hey I don’t have cable at my house can I come watch the show with you at yours, or those that send me the silly forwarding texts, yes even them too, or those that just say can I spend some time with you!!  You see the average person wouldn’t consider those little things blessings, but those are the very same little things have kept me ALIVE to this day!!! God gave these blessings to me and you can say whatcha wanna say, but I believe it!! I believe HIM!  Which is why I can go through the things I go through and still be there to pick up the cel phone and say I’m willing to listen to you and what you are going through!!  Cause you see if you ain’t on fire for God, you are on fire for something, it’s takes the best and the worst of us to figure out what we are living for, but while you’re figuring that out, it is our duty and privilege to keep on living, to help others to live, and love, and fight..  You know even as I’m writing this, it’s hard to deal with all the pain especially when my health is directly affected by my emotional state, but this had to be written.  A person at work told me today, “it is hard to get others to see what you see in life” and that’s true, but I’ll be damned (excuse my French) if I don’t give it my all to try.  That’s what I’m asking you good people to do, give life your all and if you get stuck FIND A WAY to get out of that rut cause when you get stuck in life that’s when you tend to check out on it and I promise you I can’t lose another  friend of mine this year to this world because it hurts too much and I love you all too dearly, you don’t even understand and if you don’t think I’m talking about you, I’m talking to every single one of you, my hearts got room enough for you all, now don’t get me wrong, I’m not going to be your crutch and I say that only because I know what each and every one of you are capable of, but I will help you along your way if I can because I take it seriously  and pull  no punches in my  love for all of you and I hope you know that even if we don’t talk much, these are tough times, but it’s times like these when we have to be tough people.  Think of what our ancestors went through, if they can endure that kind of pain and suffering, how much pain and suffering do we really have to deal with?  Come on everybody; let’s just do better than this!  Let’s be better to each other.  SO, I’m gonna ante up and put my heart on the table, how much will you risk to bring yourself and others through this game called life? 

    Love you and God Bless you until next time signed……..

    a somewhat misguided youth